The NCM Adventure...
by the C5 Fighter Squadron
As many of you are aware, the C5 Fighter Squadron was formed to support the National Corvette Museum, and the heritage of the Corvette. It constantly patrols the earth and cyberspace, seeking out the offenders, and eliminating them. Although known as a possible maverick operation based out of Georgia, the Squadron continues its sorties through secret funding, presumably the United States Air Force, and led by what they only describe as "the general". Here is a continuation of their activities tobetter the Corvette's reputation...
As the flames warm up the Blue Streak fixes a cup of coffee. He looks at the map and just wonders where the hell the Beacon of Reality resides. Probably the best thing to do would be to let the super sonic detection and radar devices zero in on it.
As he pours his coffee he heads out the 300 yard stretch to the C5 hanger. There as he opens the door is one of the most beautiful C5 Jets he has ever seen. He opens the large hanger door and fires off the twin turbo LS-1's. It has got to be one of the purest and sweetest sounds he has ever heard!
He swings the Blue Streak out and heads to the C5 headquarters in Hampton, GA. As he glazes over the Great Smokies he can't believe how beautiful the mountains are and the speed he goes by them at. One turn of the head and he would miss them. In just a matter of minutes he sets the Blue Streak down in Hampton, GA.
Racer Dan and the Junkyard Warrior are already there and waiting for the rest of the Squad to show. Racer Dan runs over and can't believe the shine the Blue Streak has on his plane. Damn, I didn't know you were a waxer Dan says! Blue says, why Dan you can wax during the weekend race on Sundays, there is nothing wrong with that!
With that, the Warrior, Racer Dan and the Blue Streak go in to put on a pot of coffee and wait on the other squad members to show. Blue Streak says Dan, I got here so quick I haven't finished off the cup I was drinking on the way yet!
With that the trio sit back and waited for the others to arrive -- what a night this is going to be says the Blue Streak.
Meanwhile up Bowling Green way, the ever sneaky Sonic has been having Men In Black Suits visit his hangar for the last few weeks. "Just wait til the Guys in the squad get a view of this, if its possible?" said Sonic while thinking about doing inverted Split S's over Tara.
"That's a Big Negative on that Mr. Sonic." said MIBS #1. "After your last little adventure down in Tennessee, we realized we didn't have all the bugs worked out. We don't believe the stealth technology is going to work on this New F-22 C5 Convertible Sweep Wing Jet Fighter against regular enemy warplanes if local cops keep getting you on their radar guns!"
Sonic stumbled off in a fury muttering something about all the Big Dogs were going to be at this dance and how this puppy wasn't going to be left out.
As the G-men went back to specing out the ship, the sound of hydraulics coming to life and the smell of sugar were the last two bits of data their gray matter registered before being drilled unconscious.
Two minutes later, Sonic was airborne, and the ground below on the runway was littered with .50 caliber Twinkies and gooey G-men. "Its a good thing I had the Junkyard Warrior, last time he was in town on recon, make that hidden snout chain gun fully remote control or I would have never been able to pull this off." Sonic then punched in his Nav points and headed for the land of peaches and loosing football teams, Atlanta.
The Junkyard Warrior stood up with a solemn look and opened the red envelope. He removed the copied intelligence packets and passed them to everyone.
"Gentlemen, this is the first time we will likely encounter heavily armed resistance" he said. "The specifications for the "Beacon of Twisted Reality" are in your packets, study them carefully. The plane is not nearly as maneuverable as the C5, however, it does have a pretty high escape velocity, if encountered, you will have better success in outmaneuvering it than trying to outrun it. You must avoid being directly in front of it, as its sole weaponry is a particle beam which only shoots straight ahead. It will be very vulnerable to a missile attack. Your Data Transfer Cartridges have all been programmed to go for the weak areas on this particular jet."
The members of the elite C5 fighter squadron looked at each other quietly and leafed through the briefing materials. "The primary objective is a strike on Bill-e-Bob, and his sidekick "junior" for their attack on the Museum last week." The squad looked in the folders at the black and white mug shots of the pair. "They sure do look stupid" commented John", a brief chuckle ensued. "Hey, this one even has long hair" more laughter. "Can we get back to the briefing please, They are due to be released on bail tonight. Our contacts at the Warren County jail have given us a vehicle description, which is included in the packet. It is described as a 1973 Ford F100 pickup, missing grille, and dented in the tailgate. It may also be bent in the middle behind the cab.
At this time the Blue Streak says he has one question before we leave, The Warrior had said Your Data Transfer Cartridges have all been programmed to go for the weak areas on this particular jet.." Streak says what if the Beacon hears of the attack and tries to disguise himself say by changing to The Beacon of BULLSHIT!!!!, will the Data Transfer Cartridges detect this BSey maneuver?
At this time, C5 Squad Member Tall Cool Won speaks up for the first time and says "Don't worry about The Beacon trying that stuff, I've whipped up a tachyon beam detector that will be able to pick up his cloaking maneuvers."
Finally, Racer Dan stood up and said "OK, gentlemen. It is time for us all to focus on the reality of what happened. These "men" discredited the museum, causing a ruckus, disturbing others, to the point they had to be arrested. They need to be interrogated, not eliminated. So let's be careful, OK? One of the members barked "Aw, come on, I want to take a bite outa their hide. " Everyone smiled and walked to the paddock, where the C5 Squadron was parked.
The walk always inspired the team, the sight of the well polished Squadron (a job for the Arkansas Flash). and the silhouette of the moon in the background. Night flying was a favorite time for all of us, as the traffic was less hectic, and with the radar jammers, we could glide through the airspace unseen.
We all took of, two at a time. The afterburners left a trail of rings out of the white hot exhaust. I could see the rings on the two in front of me. It looked like they had a raccoon tail coming out of the engine exhaust. As we grouped together into formation at 15.000 feet, it was the Junkyard Warrior who said "Hey Racer Dan. Can we fly the missing comrade formation?" We all knew what he was referring to. It was exactly one year ago today, our great friend and brilliant engineer Zora Duntov had passed away.
"You bet. great idea, JW" was the response by Racer Dan.
The Stars and Stripes C5 Jet, a gift from Zora himself some few months ago led the way to Bowling Green.
It didn't stay quiet for long, though. All of a sudden, the alarms went off in all of the jets! An enemy target was fast approaching from the east. the ETS (electronic Tracking System) showed a trail from the object leading to its take off point in Bosnia, California. An appropriate name for a communist warplane with limited power and weaponry. And then the fun began.
We spotted the target trucks at about the same time. Our two subjects were heading north on I-65, at a high rate of speed. We ignored the approaching aircraft, and all dropped to attack elevation, and each sent a series of 50 mm rounds into the pavement in front of the pick ups. Across the SLS (sonic listening system) we could hear in the trucks the background music, mostly classical I guess. I found it almost sickening, until I heard them both cussing as they dodged our warning shots.
But they continued and so did we. Finally, Blue Streak lit up the sky with a laser guided missile. He expertly guided it in front of the first truck, and blew out half of the road. "Damn, that sure tore up the road, huh?" was his response as he pulled up for another pass. You could make out that he still had that wad of tobacco in his cheek, but nobody said anything. Both trucks screeched to a halt, and the drivers got out, scratching their heads. Then the Arkansas Flash effortlessly landed in front of them. As he taxied back in front of the trucks, the drivers recognized the resemblance to the C5 Corvette and knew they were in deep trouble now.
It wasn't five minutes, and the Flash was airborne again. Then he told us the real story: "Man, those guys couldn't stop talking, Racer Dan. They told me that they were sent to the museum to disrupt the event so the local press could discredit it. It seems that a certain local property owner wants to buy the land behind the museum and they wouldn't sell it. Something about minerals back there, I think. It was all a planned attack on the museum. But they were both crying, and I felt they learned their lesson."
The Squadron spared the puppets in the trucks and pulled up to 35,000 feet to regroup. The old Russian warplane had just made it into firing range. The alarms were sounding and the heads up display identified it as the Beacon of Bullshit, aka Beacon of Reality. The Beacon shot off a few rounds at Blue Streak, and one cut through the fiberglass body and entered his left arm just above his elbow. Dawgonit, guys! I've been hit! "Just like him to get off the first shot", said JW, "and then he will run and hide."
"How bad are you hit Blue Streak?" said the commander, Racer Dan. "I'll live, just a flesh wound, but need to get home soon. ", Blue Streak replied.
Then Racer Dan said: "OK, guys. Enough of this playing around. If we continue to let this joker play, he is going to hurt someone bad. Let's end this, once and for all."
All of the pilots agreed, and they switched to the electronic warheads to active. It was a short battle. It started with two planes taking turns shooting bullets into the fuselage. Sonic actually shot a pattern in it, and it was easy to identify it as a "Bowtie" emblem. We all laughed, and the Russian born warplane made many feeble attempts to outmaneuver the much more advanced Squadron Jets, and then finally gave up and took off just like JW had warned us. The Beacon of Bullshit was followed by a trail of dripping red fluid from it's engine compartment which drifted to the engine exhaust. The red fluid mixed with the exhaust gases, and formed a trail of yellow colored smoke several hundred feet long. It was not going to stay airborne for long.
We let it get about 3 miles out, and then one of the secret C5 Squadron members announced "OK, BEACON, TIME TO BALE OUT!" And without delay he released a heat seeking sidewinder missile. The pinpoint flame out of its exhaust lit up the sky as it shot forward and out of sight. With electron magnification on, we could see the pilot hit the eject and it shot him straight up and then the chute opened. As he drifted down toward the ground, the missile exploded the Beacon with great fury. Then the Arkansas Flash hits his throttle, and circles the pilot until he reaches the ground, unharmed. "I can't help it, I gotta do it." was all he said. The next thing we saw was the pilot bending over to pick up his chute. As he bent over, a well guided twinkie comes down upon him at near 200 mph. It hits its' target, and the pilot must have jumped 10 feet in the air! He finally gets to his feet, and waves his fist to us, and limps away into the woods.
"That one's for Blue Streak!" someone shouted, and the Squadron headed back home. After landing they attended to their wounded comrade, and then checked the damage to the Jets. The new F22 Convertible Sonic had suffered no harm at all, as did the red white and blue Zora Special. The red Arkansas Flash ride had some paint damage, and he was really upset. As we walked toward him, we found out why. The Russian Warplane had sprung a leak in its engine, and red line oil had spilled out, splattering his plane's perfect red paint. As we handed him a beer, he finally calmed down a little, mumbled something about burning it, and then walked down to the hanger with us.
The Beacon is no more, but the Bullshit will surely return. But rest assured, as the C5 Fighter Squadron will be there to prevent it from discrediting the Corvette name and heritage. A team made up of dedicated men, guided by the King of the Corvette, Zora himself who they all have learned to call...